Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Page Seven

Good call on a page summary, brodawg.

113. Christian Louboutins might scream sexy, but I want shoes that literally scream sexy with each step.

This was completely by nearly every one and hilarious every goddamn time. I was hoping someone would bother adding the red-soled style, but I was elated nonetheless. Here's a link to the only one I stumbled upon online:
http://www.youtube.com/user/fermimachine#p/u/24/ihU8PRwtumM
And the highlight was probably MacPierce's, which was hooked up to a computer and yelled SEXY in a different scary robot voice every time.

114. I've been working on a new product that's designed to give you and other men new con dence! I'talking about my new pubic hair stencils for men. Just shave one of my stylish designs into your pubic hair and watch the ladies become intrigued! While some chicks might go for a simple downward pointing arrow, classy broads want an artiste who can transform his jungle into an intricate topiary.

I was hoping that I would get some baller-ass pube art, like how people can shave patterns into a fade on their head, but I was a little disappointed. Most people gave me stencils, no pubes. But I did horrify Grace when she had to see the pubes of someone in her house, so it was worth it.

115. The Choco Taco deceived me into thinking my icy treat would contain all the flavors of Estados Unidos Mexicanos when all it really contained was sweet, creamy disappointment. Less choco, more taco! Bring me a wa e taco shell lled with scoops of ice cream for each major element beans, meat, and all.

The winner of this goes to Scampi, whose taco was amazingly convincing (I though the crepe shell was a corn tortilla) and also unsettlingly accurate. Like, it had very strong Mexican flavors while being cold and creamy. Lowlight was Breck, where I retched with each tiny nibble.

116. Get your toes done up with your fingernails matchin'. Time to get yo' nails did with some Chicago-themed stereoscopic nail art.

Nobody did this except Snell! There were some half-attempts. I cried.

117. An illustrated Canadian Kama Sutra. One act per province. But nothing from the territories, you pervert.

Everyone loved this one, and it was super fun. Snell's was gorgeous, but Max P's was inexplicably turned into a pop up book that featured a pop-up erection larger than the book. And one of the teams had a moose, wearing sunglasses, and blowing some guy. I also loved the GASH who had Nova Scotia's "Inverted Scotsman" where a guy lies upside down, propped up funny, while a sheep blows him in a beastial 69.

118. Unboil an egg.

GASH blew me away. They showed a control egg! And time delay! Other teams did it, but none with such finesse.

119. When I was a child, I doodled in ChemDraw, arranging p-orbitals into delicate butteries. As I have grown, so have my skills at connecting carbon atoms like dots to form a microscopic view of life. But my tastes have also grown, and I want something more than daisies{I want to see a biological metamorphosis on a more macroscopic scale, using the same microscopic medium. With the addition of a single reagent, bonds change, kids grow up, and little caterpillars turn into swallowtails. All bonding must be in proper valence. Show arrow pushing.

Many teams did the boring caterpillar to butterfly thing when I was hoping y'all would branch out. Scampi knew me too well and did a pokemon caterpie-metapod-butterfree like progression. GASH, again, blew me away with some weird transformation that I didn't quite get but it went from one BADASS monster to another BADASS monster. Also, I know that everyone has at least one chem major on the team, but evidently they were not consulted half the time because there were some really screwy mechanisms.

120. A surgical kit. A wooden-handled chisel. Field glasses. An Underwood portable typewriter. Zinc oxide tape. Hydrochloric acid. My Blessed Little Pal.

I have no idea how some people did not know where to find HCl - it's easily pilfered (and benign in low molarities) or sold at hardware stores. I was hoping someone with weird Chicago connections could get me the creepy murder book, but alas. But now you know more about UChicago's fine murderous history.

121. Irish car bombs are disgusting. Who wants a drink that curdles? Bring me a room-temperature solid that liqui es into boozy delight with an additional shot. Vsolid > Vshot

Only South completed this with cotton candy. MacPierce had a better of idea of what I wanted, using jello, but it didn't work. Two words: hydrocolloidal suspensions.

123. Studies have estimated that every human body contains two to ve pounds of bacteria. We want just one pound, pure.

I was amazed so few teams tried this. For a lot of science students, getting pure bacteria is the same thing as "going to work." I think the freezer at my workplace is so full of harvested bacteria tubes that you could even approach this as a go-find-it rather than a go-do-it.

124. Whenever I get a gift in nested boxes, opening each diminishing box makes my hopes diminish as well. Wouldn't it be great to have my hopes increase with successive boxes, each larger than the previous? Four box minimum.

Totally awesome! The best were the two that used foam/sponge rather than paper because that allowed the inner boxes to basically spring out into a bigger shape. Snell gave me... plastic bags inside of each other. It was weird.

126. A single emoticon which expresses the feeling upon nding out that your mother has been diagnosed with bromyalgia, which you do not consider to be a real medical condition, though you genuinely love your mother and believe she su ers pain, but you also suspect that it is the result of a long-term opiate addiction. Up to four characters.

It was hilarious watching you all bullshit why your two-minute emoticon exemplified all of these complex emotions. Loved it.

127. Since you've got such an extraordinary head of hair, you should do something extraordinary with it. Make a Nagi Noda critter from rooted human hair.

This was also totally awesome when it was done at all. I remember seeing an aardvark (looked more like a groundhog, but was still awesome), an elephant, a cobra, a pheonix, and a weird dog thing. I think my favorite was the aardvark because it used no external support (wires, etc.) and still looked great.

Please keep emailing us your youtube accounts and files too! We don't get to see items on other pages, so putting your stuff online lets us show off how great you are to each other.

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