Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Page Five

A few highlights from Page 5:

74. A roentgenogram depicting the ingestion or insertion of something that will gross us out or make us giggle, dated pre-Scav 2010. If you give me anything less than the real film you’ll require such an X-ray after Judgment. [13 points]

Chris straus, aka Daddy Scav Hunt, is a radiologist at the UC Medical Center; he provided most teams with their entries, including teaching files of two halves of a dildo stuck in a rectum and (my favorite) an intact lightbulb inserted wide side first in to a rectum. Runners up included an x-ray of a dog who had eaten an entire baby bottle, and an x-ray of the hand of Judge Emeritus Colin McFaul with a length of chain embedded in one finger (owwwwww).

75. Antonius Stradivarius Cremonensis Faciebat Anno 1660-1720. On campus. [90 points for a violin, 125 points for a cello, 150 points for a viola]

Nobody got one to campus, but I saw 3 Strads from five different teams (two teams found the same Strad). My favorites by far were BJ, who found a cello that I actually got to play, and MacPierce, who got me backstage at the CSO to show one off. Honorable mention to Snell-Hitchcock, who found the first Strad AND took me to a place that let me play a Goffriller (equivalent to a Strad) cello as a consolation prize. Each were amazing, and all were longer than the biggest dick we saw in Item 8 (although none longer than the dick belonging to HJ Emily Watkins, which is too large to fathom). Thanks for makin' my dreams come true, scavvies.

78. Too often, students must choose between a sick party and a night of Regenstein-induced stupor. Facilitate a Regvolution from study space to party place: make a fully-functional flask out of a free book from the Reg. [8 points]

All teams had great entries, allowing me to fulfill my mental image of a dude drinking out of a book- you could seriously take most of them to the Reg, drink from them, and nobody would notice. Megaprops to B-J for theirs, as it included not only a flask portion, but a concealed bottle opener, corkscrew, and squirty mouthwash dispenser.

81. True composers seek art in the everyday and inspiration in the sounds of their surroundings. Since my everyday is the Internet, and my surroundings pretty much only the mid- to late-’90s, I’ll need you to write and perform an operatic aria to the tune of that godawful dial-up internet sound. [14.4 points]

I was blown away by most of these- most teams had really beautifully composed entries sung by amazing singers. Especially nicely done by B-J, South Campus, and Breckinridge.

82. Alright, nerds, time to get your trivia on. It’s a Simpsons, Star Wars, and firefly trivia contest! Send up to two trivia experts to the Reynolds Club South Lounge on Thursday at 3 pm, and we’ll see whose brains are properly geeked. [σ points]

NO APOLOGIES. As many of you already know, this was actually about people and places named Simpson, the Strategic Defense Initiative, and fireflies. Mega shout out to Max P's Zach Binney, who not only figured out that it was going to be a general trivia contest, but knew (or at least guessed) a suuuuuuper obscure reference to My Little Pony.

Balloon animals are for those clowns in the social sciences! I want a balloon protein, one that both represents your chosen protein’s tertiary/quaternary structure and actively demonstrates its native function. Like a real protein, your structure should be sufficiently complex and, most importantly, do something cool (none of that occludin-β bullshit). [50 points]

Alan of the Boston faction of GASH, can your brain marry my brain? Seriously. That balloon protein was so expertly crafted that I almost cried. Other teams were amusing, often quite pretty, but lacked quality demonstrations of native function. I especially enjoyed when Cynthia walked by during my judgement of Scampy's protein, only to explain to the creator that the protein did something entirely different than what she thought it did. Also, thank you for not including any of that occludin-ß bullshit.

88. We won’t know if Jay-Z Smith’s new release is the hit song of the summer until we hear it. [12 points]

This was Ezra's item initially, but I jumped at the chance to put it on my page. Most of these were excellent; I especially liked Blint's "Sex", modifying a J.Z. Smith lecture on religious sects for an unholy purpose, and B-J's rap, including a lovely cough intro.

90. TBA

All teams that completed Item #77 (A pair of wearable, edible, vegan, assless chaps) got to complete this TBA; all teams had either 2 or 1 minute (depending on size of chaps) to eat their assless chaps off their wearer as an edibility check. BJ, with vegan rainbow fruit leather, enjoyed this; teams with chaps of collard greens or vegan paper with frosting on them, not so much.

A few lowlights from page 5:

76. When I grow up, I’m going to Bovine University! Since you’re grown up, you’ll need a sizzling-hot diploma made entirely out of beef. [9 points]

I will never again request an item that could potentially be fulfilled by showing me a 3-day-old pile of raw meat.

80. Vegemite iSnack 2.0TM. [8.0 cheesypoints]

Sometimes you should Google things. I got more cans of Vegemite with iPod headphones taped to them than I ever thought I would; this is a real thing, dawgs. A real gross thing, but a real thing.

86. You Found The Secret Drawer! [4 points]

The secret drawer is in Rosenwald, and has been for a number of years; I can't say I was disappointed by this item, actually, rather amused by the entries who had nooooo idea what this was. One team gave me a desk drawer full of thongs and condoms, which was just hilarious.

Until next year,
The Coug

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